Jumping off the Ledge

I did something the other night that some would say is no big deal. For me it is. I signed up a live in person 5k. I have done a few virtual 5k’s but I never took the final step to do a live race.

Some of that has to do with the pandemic, some of it is my own fear. You see in the comfort of my own house, on my treadmill without anyone around I have no problem, I was even doing okay at the gym pre pandemic and pre ankle break.

Put in with a 150 strangers and my fear and anxiety take over. What if I can only run on a treadmill? What if I come in dead last? And really my lists of what if’s goes on.

I want to be able to do this so every so often I ask a friend to join me for a race. We had a couple set up pre pandemic and those went virtual. But if my no judgment friend isn’t available I usually end up passing on the race or take the virtual option.

So, how does an introvert, with a fear of failure, throw in a healthy dose of anxiety and still see’s herself as the fat girl get signed up for this? It started with my virtual running/fitness group and one of the members posted that she had signed up for a local race. Out of curiosity I asked which one because in all honesty I just thought I would go cheer her on.

Let me be clear, I have never met this woman in person, but her posts on the fitness app pulled me to her and I think she had me with pre coffee coffee. Conversation started that night and an hour later I am signed up for the race.

Now, I have hit all my big trigger buttons, introvert, fear of failure, fat girl issues and now meeting someone new. I mean how many cliffs can I jump off in one day? There is no turning back on this one. My best friend knows I am doing this, I’m meeting up with this person at the race and it’s time for a little cliff jumping for me.

The pandemic made it easy for me to stop pushing myself and stay in my comfort zone. It’s time to push the comfort zone limits a little. It’s time to meet this friend in person and it’s time to remind myself that I am not the same person I was 5 years ago.

Until next time,

Juli