Juli's Blog

I’m writing this here because well quite frankly if people really wanted to know what I am thinking and feeling about lately they would have to look for it a little bit.

I really wish I could say that I not struggling since you and I said see you later 8 months ago. But frankly it feels like a shit show. Work is hard, I keep asking when I can retire and I get told 2 more years and some days I think can I even get to the end of my day. I have booked a lot shows, strangely enough I love selling nail polish. This is my first real blog since mom.

I have written a couple of things on Facebook as Max and his adventures and maybe I will try my hand at a children’s book about Dapper dogs adventures, in his backyard.

I know that you and mom stop by once in while, and that you two have helped me create one of my most beautiful yards in 16 years.

I had our 4th of July party and truly missed having you there to MC the whole day. Yes, I still hate talking to people but you taught me to host and mom taught me to make sure that we had more than enough food and drink.

I didn’t know how to say see you later when you passed away because I was tired, angry and so damn scared that I screwed up. The last thing you asked me was are we still friends? Best friends! I was /am the luckiest girl in the world to have you as my dad. You taught me so many things and I know you loved me in your own way. I never doubted that until you were no longer here. I missed having you around and asking me questions about my life.

I hate walking into church because I have so many amazing memories of you and mom and everything that I got you to do in her absence. Who knew that you would take on the cheerleading duties so well. Paul retired it was an amazing weekend for him, now Kari is retiring and again it feels like life there is changing and I not sure how I deal with that too.

Band concerts are hard because neither of you are there physically and I miss knowing that you will tell me how much you enjoyed them. I decided that I wanted to stay on the board, I am not done yet.

The migraines are back and my neck still is off and, and, and. The positive is that I down 40 pounds in the last 8 months. 20 pounds to go.

Amazon has been really helpful for keeping me supplied with diamond paintings and other items that I can’t seem to find anywhere else and the diamond paintings help with the anxiety. But you know that. It was how I was able to cope with all the challenges since I was no longer able to talk to you every night.

The Lynx are having an amazing season. We have beat the liberty 3 times so far this year .

So much to say, so many tears shed, so many memories of you and mom. I miss you two every single day I wish I could talk to you one more time, but as I said before you know. You know that I love you, that I miss you and that this hurts more than I ever thought it would. But more importantly it might have taken me longer to write this letter but thank you for being my dad.

Love,

Juli

There is a song by the Title of: 7 Minutes in Heaven, by Reba McIntyre. It is beautiful, it talks about if she had 7 minutes in heaven, that she would spend it with her mom.

And that got me thinking, if you could have 7 more minutes with someone in your life, what would you say? Would you tell them that you love them, probably. Would you fill them in on how things are or how much you miss them? I feel like those are the obvious things that we would say, I love you, I miss you. That seems normal. What else would you say? I realized I would tell them that I didn’t realize them not being here every day would leave such a hole in my life and in my heart that no one else could ever fill.  That I am so glad and grateful for the time that we had together, and that when I see something that reminds me of them, I stop, and think, they would have loved this.  I try to keep your traditions for Holidays, going, and when I decorate, I make sure the stuff you gave me is set out. It makes it a little easier to have them out, because I miss you a little less. I have decided to keep my hair long, like Grandma did. I still hate the cold, and I dream of living in a warmer place often. I still read a lot of books and oh our favorite author has a new book coming out soon. So many things that I want to tell you and fill you in on. 

I would tell them, I am trying each day to be brave like you taught me to be, but it is hard, because they are no longer here to protect me from the things that scare me or encourage me when I am trying something new, knowing that I dislike the unknown. I would want to tell them so many things, like, I still hang out with Dad on Sundays and yes, I make him watch the Vikings games with me, that I built my butterfly garden finally, and I started a new flower bed, and that I am growing Cala Lily’s every summer. I got a new dog, his name is Max, he is a beast and Lily is still the sweetest dog you will ever meet. Tuna is amazing huntress, I miss Lucy and Maggie, and would you please take care of them for me? Band is great, I finally got a piccolo, and I joined the choir at Church. But you know all that, I know that. I would want to know, how are Grandma and Grandpa? How are your brothers? Do the ladies all still get together? Tell them hi. Did Trixie meet you when you got to heaven? I bet she was the happiest dog there. Did Taffy find you? She loved her kitty Grandma so much. Please give them all hugs from me and tell them that I love them. I wish I could hug them all one more time and tell them myself, that I love them. I am wished that I had told them more when they were here. And please tell Grandpa, that I look forward to meeting him one day, and tell Trixie that she was best dog to grow up with. And, and, and…

So many things that we want to share, so many updates that we want to give them, but really, they know those updates, because they walk beside us each day, even though we cannot see them and a lot of times we cannot even feel them, they are there, they are giving us strength to be brave, to venture out of our comfort zone. They are wiping the tears that we shed because we miss them more than words can ever say. They are the angels among us, they are with us every day. But what would you do with those 7 minutes, I would just sit with them, and talk like we used to, and when my time was up, I would tell them that I loved them and thank them for loving me and tell that I will come back as soon as I can get another 7 minutes with them, because I would not miss the opportunity to spend another 7 minutes with them.

As always,

Juli

I have been on a mission for the last few weeks… get my fence stained. In my head this was going to be a quicker project than it turned out to be.

I knew in my head what color I wanted the stain to be. I walked into the paint store and showed them a picture of what I was looking for, the guy said I got what you are looking for right here. And shows me 7 or 8 colors in a variation of brown. I pick the one that I think is closest to the picture in my head and the picture that I brought in. I get home and I start to get ready to stain and I open up the stain can and my first thought is this is not what I asked for.

I found a post on the fence and tested the stain and it was no where near what I was picturing. I put my paintbrush away and stared at the board for two more days and the color was not winning me over, so with can in hand, I went back to the paint store and asked how the color I picked out is so much lighter on the boards then what the little paper sample looks like. The clerk opened the can, and looked inside, then looked at the color measurements on the can, and said what color did you pick out again. I showed him and he became apologetic and said I am sorry they mixed the wrong color.

I was like okay, mistakes happen but thank you for reminding me to never leave with paint without double checking that what you created matches my the vision in my head.

With the correct color in hand I went to out my fence a few days later and started to stain the posts and cross beams, this turned out to be a lot harder than I was expecting it to be. I was like I got this, until my arm had to go over my head for an extended period of time. I wanted to cry after just a few minutes. You see that movement is still really painful 8 months after surgery to repair my neck and arm from wear and tear on my body. I knew that I had to push on because my fence was not going to get stained if I didn’t do it.

I started small, I stained one post, and then I was like okay I can do this and stained a cross beam. I thought I got this. The next day I was like okay I have a couple of hours to work on this let’s do it. I learned quickly that talking with someone while I was having to go over my head to stain helped me to not think about the amount of pain that it was causing. My favorite music playing also helped to keep me motivated to keep moving forward.

I realized as I was painting the posts and cross beams that I was not going to get my fence stained in one weekend no matter how long my weekend was because I had limitations, not only was going over my head painful but my hand still cramps on a regular basis and that would slow me down as eventually I could no longer hold onto my paintbrush.

When I was creating my summer to do list, I was like okay I got this, stain my deck, stain my fence and paint my house, along with move flowers around and create another new flower bed. I breezed through putting together my newest flower bed, I got fencing up and around some new plants to keep my pets away from them. My garden was going good, and I was ready to cross more stuff off my list.

I started with my deck, and that went super fast and I was like okay I am moving right along, and I will be painting my house in no time. What I didn’t anticipate is that as much as I like to believe I am not Wonder Woman. I have limitations, and with a paintbrush in my hand, I learned quickly that those limitations, make me rethink what I can do, how much I can get done and when it is going to happen.

I also learned to lean into my cheerleaders. They don’t have to be right there to cheer, maybe they were the voice on the phone distracting me from the pain, or the person that says it’s looking good.

I am also realizing that it’s okay to say I can’t do this or I can’t do this by myself. These are hard words for me and so many people to say. But there comes a time when you just have to say, distract me or even help me. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact, we are not made to walk through this world alone and do everything ourselves but to find those people that can help and lift us up when we are struggling.

The lesson behind the paintbrush is things do not always go as planned, distractions are sometimes needed, it’s okay to ask for help, and in the end it’s okay to say I tried my best.

Until next time my friends,

Juli

I looked out the window and my thought was while that’s pretty but ew. It was snow falling and in Minnesota in November, snow falling is not unexpected, in fact it is expected. Snow is pretty, but like the song says “ if you no place to go, let it snow.” And again let’s be clear it was the big beautiful snow flakes that make you feel like you are in a snow globe. I always think, good trick, make me forget how much I dislike snow by making it pretty.

Snow is pretty, even beautiful, if, you do not have to drive in it, shovel it or comes with a layer of ice. But snow, like life, is not going to wait for the day that you have no errands to run, no place to be,it just comes at you. Sometimes it is like big fluffy flakes, sometimes it’s a a full out blizzard.

I have been in both parts of life I have had the beauty and I have had the blizzard. You know the kind in which you can’t see the lines in the road , let alone are positive you are driving in the wrong lane. You are positive that this was the plowed lane and that the other lane’s are worse, especially when that person flies by you at what you are thinking is an absolute crazy speed. And you think to yourself, wow, that person is really crazy.

This is a lot like life, we are heading down the road with the big beautiful flakes of snow falling and boom, al of sudden it’s a blizzard. Maybe it’s life changing, such as a diagnosis or maybe you said good bye to someone you loved too soon. Those are the things that make you think wasn’t I driving in the paved lane? Wasn’t I following the plow? Nope, you are not following the plow, you are forgoing your own path.

Sometimes, your shovel is small, and well it’s not moving much snow around. But soon, you realize that maybe, I need a bigger shovel or maybe I need someone to help. So, you figure out what you need, and you start digging out and you are thinking I got this and boom, snow plow goes by, your diagnosis changes again, you learn that the path you are on wasn’t the right one, so you pivot again and start shoveling again.

My point is as much as we want life to beautiful and have the big beautiful things in it, we have blizzard’s that we have to go through, sometimes and maybe more days than not that the snow keeps falling at an reasonable rate and we want to stop. We can’t, we have to keep pushing through. Keep shoveling.

It’s hard friends, when life keeps throwing you into the blizzard, it’s so very hard, but find, those people that can help you through it, and remember that maybe the person that helped you through before can help again and maybe there is another way through.

We can do it, but sometimes we have to shovel a little longer, to enjoy the beauty that is there, and there is beauty to be found.

Until next time,

Juli

It has been another year, a year of living life, finding our way through this crazy thing called life.

Tomorrow is national mental health day and it is a day that I have learned to embrace. This year, the struggle has been real. We have faced a lot of firsts this year, first birthday without my mom, was probably the hardest first without her so far.

I started this blog, in hopes of reminding people that we can make it, even when it seems impossible, we fight back at those demons that lurk in the corners, we cheer when we hit back at the demons and we’ve talked about making our world a little bit better.

This past year has walked me through so many emotions, the loss of my mom, through me for a loop, I was not ready to say goodbye or see you later. I miss her sassiness and telling me to stop yelling at the Vikings on TV.

I have asked you my friends to be a little bit better and brighter in this world that seems to be embracing the darkness. We have to be the light, when the darkness looms near by.

I have celebrated getting Max, loving on Tuna and Lily, watching my friends victories, and celebrating the small things.

That doesn’t mean that I haven’t struggled with this, I have wondered if what I say here, if anyone is reading and I was reminded that this is for me, for me to bring to life, the things that I have been thinking about, the things that bother me and to have a little fun.

So in this next year, here is what I can promise you that you you will read, you will continue to hear about my struggles in a life without running, more about music and how it heals the soul and yes you will here more about Lily, Tuna and Max.

So my friends, thank you for continually showing up and cheering me on, it is truly appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

Until next time,

Juli

Some of the stats that were mentioned after Queen Elizabeth II died was that she was on the throne for 70 years, in that time, she saw 14 US presidents, meeting 13 of the 14. The only president she didn’t meet was Lynden B Johnson. 15 Prime ministers, the 15th appointed two days before her death, she also saw 7 Popes serve in their role at the Vatican. That in itself was an impressive resume.

Queen Elizabeth II, took the throne at the age of 25 in 1952, she did not ask for the job, in fact she was not even slotted to be Queen when she was born, but a turn of event’s and her family is taking over the throne in 1936 when her uncle abdicated his position of king to be true to his heart.

Queen Elizabeth took her position in a time in which women were still in the seen but not heard category. But she was heard, she spoke softly but confidently and remained true to herself, her family and her faith.

Queen Elizabeth addressed her country every year on Christmas Day and was not afraid to share her faith with England, the common wealth and 14 countries that she reigned over.

Her love of animals was well known, she had a fondness for Corgis and usually had three dogs at any given time. She loved horses and would go for a ride whenever she could. One thing that was told after she passed away was she refused to wear a riding helmet when she rode. This was probably her not her being a good role model but it was her being true to herself.

She called 1992 one of worst years ever. Her children were divorcing, her family was spending a lot of time on tabloid covers and her home caught on fire, but she didn’t walk away from it, she acknowledged what was happening and kept walking forward.

I have been asked what or why makes me so intrigued by the Royal family, maybe it’s the historian in me, maybe it’s the fact that it is something that we don’t have here, but really it is because she was the ultimate lady and role model when there were very few women in a position here to do that.

As we usher in change in the Royal family, I have to say thank you for being the lady and role model when it was no longer popular. As someone said the day that Queen Elizabeth passed away, the world has lost its Grandmother.

Rest well, good and faithful servant.

Until next time,

Juli

Earlier this past week, it was national toasted marshmallow day, yep there really is such a thing. We can celebrate anything if we choose to. But this one invoked discussion about do you like your marshmallow lightly browned, or brunt or somewhere in between?

Really my response was I like them better with chocolate and graham crackers around a fire with friends.

I mean really doesn’t that marshmallow or s’more taste so much better when you have it at a bonfire with friends? But I am going to venture to sat a lot of things taste better with friends.

That salad you ordered was way more tasty with your group of friends then it would have been if you just ordered it and had it delivered and eaten in front of the TV. Heck popcorn or pizza or fill in the blank all taste better when shared with friends.

Friends are important part of our existence, they are the people we lean on when life is hard, they are the people that make us laugh and maybe even allow ourselves to be silly with.

We learn at a young age, who we like, and who we don’t. We know who makes us feel safe enough with to tell our secrets to and we know who those people are that are never going to like us no matter how many s’mores we offer them.

We also learn that some people are only in our lives for a season, whatever that season is and others are here for the long haul. Again there is nothing right or wrong about it. It’s just a part of life.

I will admit that I still struggle with the whole thing of why don’t people like me and what did I do wrong? I still look inward and wonder what could I have done differently to make this person like me and sometimes I realize that I might have done nothing wrong, they just don’t like who I am. They have their own perception of things. It might be right and it might be wrong but it’s their decision.

I have to try hard to remember that it’s not about me so much as it is them. I also have to remember that I have people to share my s’mores with and be silly and if someone doesn’t want to be a part of that, they are missing out on some serious fun.

So my friends, this week hug your tribe (friends) , thank them for all they do for you and offer them a S’more.

Until next time,

Juli

Hi, my name is Max, and my mom said I could borrow her blog to tell you guys about myself.

Here are some basics facts about me, I am from Kentucky, I am 9 months old, and I am super excited to have a family to call my own. Now you know the basics about me. You might be wondering how I went from Kentucky to Minnesota.

I was living in a shelter in Kentucky and I really didn’t like it, it was crowded and noisy and I was really unhappy. In fact I would run away every chance I could get up to 5 miles away, and someone would find me and bring me back.

So when someone mentioned that a group of us could be headed to Minnesota to see if we could find a home, I raised my paw and said I was in. I really just wanted a family that I could love.

When I got to Minnesota, I meet up with a gentleman that had some other doggos and I thought that this was going to be my new home. But I just stayed there a couple of days and then the nice man said I was going to meet my forever family later that day. I took a power nap and I was ready for the next step in my adventure.

I met my mom and she said it was love at first sight, I agreed. But my mom had a huge surprise for me, I got to my forever home and there was another doggo and a kitty and even fish!

I met my sister Lily, and really it took a while for her to warm up to me, now we are best buds! I have been working really hard to gain the trust of Tuna, she doesn’t hiss at my nearly as much as she did at first and I am learning to give her space when she asks for it. Really she is kinda hard to read at times and I have gotten my nosed bopped more than once. Tuna has a really solid 1-2 punch.

I get to go on walks with Lily and explore my neighborhood. Lily and I play lot. My mom is teaching me to sit, shake paws and she keeps trying to get me to lay down but I seriously don’t like that.

My mom says I am a little extra, because I sniff loudly, in fact my mom kept looking for a helicopter the first night we went walking, I was sniffing so much and so hard she said it sounded like a helicopter! I surprised my mom one morning when I howled back at the sirens I was hearing, I also howl at the horrible song that the ice cream truck plays (I am way better than that truck.) I love to bark and when I sigh I deflate my whole body.

I am looking forward to meeting you and hanging out with you guys, and maybe my mom will let me steal her blog again sometime.

Max

The CDC this past week, revised their recommendations for how we handle/interact with each other regarding COVID-19. One of those recommendations was that social distancing is no longer needed.

One of the things I wished they would have also said is you may also resume treating each other with care and compassion.

Some of the things that I have heard and seen especially in the last few months is astounding, I would never dream of saying something to someone that would threaten violence to stranger, but it seems to be like more of the norm than a rare occurrence.

Is it a social media thing that as spilled out and over into our day to day actions and interactions with each other? Bullying has been around for centuries but it seems like instead of a once in a while thing it seems more like a normal way to act.

One of the other things I have heard is that people need to stop being over sensitive and reacting to others. I am wondering if it isn’t so much people overreacting as people reacting to the negativeness that is being bombarded at us.

How do we change this? How do we counteract this? I wish I knew. I have faced it in my own life, I have heard the bullying and I have said nothing for fear of escalating the situation.

There was a story in news a few weeks ago of a group of teenagers standing up to an adult that was scaring some younger kids and when the teenagers confronted the person, they ended up getting stabbed and one ended up dying. This is why people are afraid of stopping the bullying. Somehow not only is bullying okay and maybe even acceptable.

I truly wish I knew how to stop this, or slow it down. Is it confronting people? Is it possible to change someone else’s behavior? No, we know that the only behavior that we can change is our own.

We need to approach how we interact with each other. When we are confronted the negative, I think we need to infuse the situation with positive or just walk away if needed. Maybe if we stop feeding the negativity and work at creating a positive place.

So my friends, it is time to put on your Pollyanna, and stop accepting excuses for others. Stop accepting the attitude of that is just how the person is or it’s okay because the are under stress. We need to counter act the bullying and the negative.

Until next time,

Juli

When my mom passed away I received several diamond paintings in the mail, they came anonymously and I checked with my usual suspects of people and no one claimed sending them. The week of her birthday I received another diamond painting in the mail, and again the week of her celebration of life. No one, would claim sending these, this was an incredibly sweet gesture that someone wanted me to know that they were thinking of me but wanted to keep it anonymous.

It’s hard because I wanted to at the very least thank the person and two I was very curious as to who this person was. But this person chose to stay in the shadows as it were.

Selfishly I wanted to know who sent them for so many reasons and after a while I gave up trying to figure it out. I realized that I didn’t really need to know who sent the gifts, it was just nice to know that someone else was thinking about me wanted me to know.

It was a small act of kindness that really helped in a hard time. But isn’t it the smallest acts of kindness that sometimes make the biggest ripples in the waters of our lives?

We all need that small ripple from time to time, we need others to pick us up and help us along in our journey. We need to be reminded that someone cares.

When the time is right, we should continue that ripple effect and carry on the kindness to the next person, we can do by staying in the shadows.

Sometimes staying in the shadows, feels like the best or right thing to do. Sometimes it is just easier to stay in the shadows. When people gift anonymously they do so because they want goodness to shine through and not have it cluttered by other factors.

The pandemic allowed for people to embrace the shadows. Sending gifts through Amazon, having meals delivered, showing people that we cared about them, that we were thinking about them.

As we are coming out the pandemic, I am hopeful that people will continue to stay in the shadows, building people up, surprising people with gifts, and letting people know that someone is thinking about them.

Staying in the shadows allows us to be kind to one another and watch them enjoy the gift from a far. With no expectations of acknowledgment.

Until next time,

Juli