Juli's Blog

I have been away for about a month.

It’s hard to write when you feel like your brain is in overdrive.

A couple of quick updates. Lily, Lucy and Tuna are living and playing well together. Tuna has claimed her spots in the house. Lays in the window to take in the sunshine and plays with her bigs and loves to tease them.

I have been working hard on listening to my heart and what I am thinking about.

We have been on Covid lockdown for almost a year now. I believe that Saturday marks the first diagnosed case a year ago here in Minnesota.

So I have been trying to focus on what did we learn. Or maybe I should say what I have I learned.

Being an introvert there are many reasons to enjoy some of the lock down. I have been able to work from home. I love this! I was a little worried about this but really this has been a game changer for me. I don’t miss catching every one’s germs in the office and worrying about bringing that home.

I have also had an almost a year break from the gym. I miss swimming. But I have focused on my walking/running and can a 5k without having to walk any of it. My next goal is for a 10k and chipping away at my time. My bike is down and waiting for some clear trails and warmer weather and of course there is the girls and checking out more hiking trails this summer. I will certainly be happy when I can add my swimming back into the rotation.

I miss band in person. Zoom rehearsals have been a real part of our year. But I miss being able to hear the people around me and the beautiful sounds we make together.

I miss hug’s. I miss seeing my friends and I have learned to treasure those times that we are able to get together.

I am so grateful that we came through Covid and 2020. With minimal loss in our family. I have friends that have lost so much.

If I learned anything in this past year. It was to embrace the unknown it becomes the known. Push yourself a little bit to get outside of your comfort zone. And of course this year reminds us every day that nothing is promised. Don’t be afraid to say I love you. I miss you.

Until next time,

Juli

I had someone say to me a couple of weeks ago to take a deep breath, it will all work out the way it supposed to.

Problem is I’m a control freak, fully admit it, fully embrace it. So when I have no idea how something is going to work out, I start planning, I want to plan for every possible outcome that there could be. Problem is that the outcomes are never what I have planned for.

I spend so much time and energy into planning outcomes that never happen, you think I would have figured out by now that no matter how much I want to control the outcome of something, the outcome has already been set in motion.

Yes, how we react to the outcome, how we handle what is put in front us is up to us. I learned over the years that sometimes, a lot of times, you just have to take that deep breath and let it roll out.

It is not easy – especially for a self proclaimed control freak, I want to jump in fix what I can, plan the outcomes, and avoid the hurt if possible. See that is always the end game for me.

Avoid the hurt, I hate seeing anyone hurting and I hate not being able to fix it for them. So I will do everything in power to make sure that they are not hurt, even if that means that I take on more than I should, I will do it so that we can avoid the hurt.

So how do you fix this? you don’t. You take those deep breaths and try to let go of the control and let things fall into place and work from there. Sometimes it is so much harder to do than other times. But it is all we can do.

Until Next Time,

Juli

I was listening to the song “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me, this morning and I started thinking. I want someone to come back and tell me what heaven is really like. Then I started to really think about it. You know the age old question of what would I ask when I get the chance to ask God my question.

My question wasn’t about war, famine, hate, or any of the other things that we talk about and wonder why they happen in our world. I get that, I understand that. We are human, God gave us the ability to make choices and sometimes, lets face it, a lot times, we make rotten choices. Because of our choices or someone else’s choices we get hurt. Yep, it sucks. Pure and simple. Do I understand babies dying? Nope. Do I understand diseases and the havoc that it wrecks on the people dealing with it. Nope. I don’t understand a 51 year old dying anymore than I understand the 101 year old.

What I do understand, is what we are called to do. We are called to love. So on that day, when I get to sit and ask, I will ask God, did I love people to the ability that you provided within me?

The answer will be no my child. You turned your back so many times when you should have stepped forwarded and shown love, compassion, understanding. My heart will break, because that is what my heart does. It breaks when it I believe that I have not loved someone enough, or showed compassion when no one else was.

I was talking with a friend, and she was telling me about a conversation that she had,had. In that conversation the person said, I tell God every night I love him, but you love him more than me. For me it was such an eye opening phrase. I love him, but you love him more than me. What a realization. That we can love someone, but God is going to love them more than we ever could.

So how do we show that love? easy answer – Tell them. Sometimes though it is about doing the little things. The little things are also different for each person. Maybe it is errands that they can no longer do, maybe it is a letter saying thank you for being in my life.

In a world that seems so focused on hate and destruction. Go be intentional and show love and compassion.

Until Next Time,

Juli

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I have a running joke with a friend – Send cookies and no one will get hurt! As my stress level starts to go up especially at work, cookie demands go up. The really funny thing is I am not really a cookie person, not really a cake person either, my downfall is chocolate, and frankly after the last month I should probably do a chocolate cleanse.

So Thursday, the furry doorbells were barking their fool heads off which usually means one of two things we have a delivery or someone is walking by. I stepped out of the office just in time to see the UPS guy walking away. I actually ran to the door, because I was not expecting anything and really I did not feel like walking down the block to give a package to my neighbor. Funny the package was actually for me. It was a package from a friend, the same one that I send cookie demands to. She actually sent me cookies.

I laughed, she laughed and I thought it was a really sweet gesture. But it got me thinking what do you treat yourself? Do you use food, food can always be a good treat. It doesn’t have to be Cookies, or chocolate. It can be your favorite meal that you use to treat yourself.

The next morning, I was having a conversation with my best friend, and it was favorite I have to be out in public leggings, check, favorite sweater, check etc,etc… but I realized that sometimes treating yourself is about making sure you have your favorite leggings and sweater on.

Other things that we do is a book, or a movie or yes even that favorite song, these are all ways to treat yourself, but how are you treating yourself mentally? Are you forgiving yourself those cookies or beating yourself up?

Sometimes, we really hard on ourselves for the really small things. We forget that we are not perfect, that we will stumble and fall. We will take steps forward and steps back. The important thing is that remember that we are still walking forward. We are not standing still, we are moving forward and yes we will slide back. We are going to have bad days, bad weeks, heck maybe even a bad month, but don’t give up, push forward, eat the cookies and start again.

I have a running joke with a friend – Send cookies and no one will get hurt! As my stress level starts to go up especially at work, cookie demands go up. The really funny thing is I am not really a cookie person, not really a cake person either, my downfall is chocolate, and frankly after the last month I should probably do a chocolate cleanse.

So Thursday, the furry doorbells were barking their fool heads off which usually means one of two things we have a delivery or someone is walking by. I stepped out of the office just in time to see the UPS guy walking away. I actually ran to the door, because I was not expecting anything and really I did not feel like walking down the block to give a package to my neighbor. Funny the package was actually for me. It was a package from a friend, the same one that I send cookie demands to. She actually sent me cookies.

I laughed, she laughed and I thought it was a really sweet gesture. But it got me thinking what do you treat yourself? Do you use food, food can always be a good treat. It doesn’t have to be Cookies, or chocolate. It can be your favorite meal that you use to treat yourself.

The next morning, I was having a conversation with my best friend, and it was favorite I have to be out in public leggings, check, favorite sweater, check etc,etc… but I realized that sometimes treating yourself is about making sure you have your favorite leggings and sweater on.

Other things that we do is a book, or a movie or yes even that favorite song, these are all ways to treat yourself, but how are you treating yourself mentally? Are you forgiving yourself those cookies or beating yourself up?

Sometimes, we really hard on ourselves for the really small things. We forget that we are not perfect, that we will stumble and fall. We will take steps forward and steps back. The important thing is that remember that we are still walking forward. We are not standing still, we are moving forward and yes we will slide back. We are going to have bad days, bad weeks, heck maybe even a bad month, but don’t give up, push forward, eat the cookies and start again.

Until next time,

Juli

Tuna joined are little family on December 23rd . Really I brought her home because the person that found her couldn’t catch her nor could she keep her. Normally I would just keep scrolling on post like this but there was something about her face that got me and she was right down the street.

Tuna came home with me after about an hour and half of coaxing and you guessed it a can of Tuna. I put her in my spare room and closed the door. Went to Menards and picked up basic kitten supplies. Posted her on social media boards and figured she would be gone by Christmas Day.

Days came and went and no one came forward to claim her as theirs. I had offers from people to take her but that just didn’t feel right.

I started introducing her to my dog’s. The first meeting lasted about 2 seconds. It involved hissing and barking. It took about a week for the first non hissing and barking encounter to happen.

Tuna has fallen into the morning routine of breakfast before work. Morning petting before I login and of course treats during coffee time. Lily and Lucy get there milk bones and Tuna gets some kitty treats and I get to enjoy my coffee for 2 minutes without them all asking for more.

Tuna has shown us her bravery over the past three weeks. She is settling into house with what I call two bigs. She socializes as she can and she trusted me.

Trust is hard. New experiences are hard. But sometimes you just have to be brave and trust that person that is offering you the helping hand isn’t going to hurt you but rather there to help you.

Until next time,

Juli

It’s January First, and people are asking what are your goals for this year? After coming out of 2020, I have some pretty basic goals. Hug my friends, drinks in person with my coworkers, continued time with my family. Basic.

As I look back at 2020 not everything was bad. It was a shift. I really like working from home. Yes, I miss my co – workers and the relationships that are built being in a cubicle with them 8 hours a day, but the being at home is one thing about 2020 I found I really liked.

Getting creative with ways to see friends. I really miss my friends and just hanging out with them. No grabbing a coffee or going for a walk around the lake. It’s not that we couldn’t, we could and we did just not like we have in years past. But zoom and Facebook allowed for virtual visits in between.

The other thing that I got creative with in 2020 was my fitness. Zoom workouts became a new way of strength training for me. I found myself getting stronger without the help of the all of the machines at the gym. The other thing that happened is I found my running game again. From November through December I logged 89 running miles. If you would have asked me in January what my goal was, it was to run a mile pain free, 89 miles pain free is a dream.

2020 also taught me not to take anything for granted from toilet paper to relationships. I worked in an ER for 5 years I know better than to take relationships for granted but we do, we’re human we just figure that person is going to be around forever. I got to the point I no longer listened to the news for the first 5 minutes because I couldn’t stand to hear the number of people sick and or dead from Covid. My brain and heart craved positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts and intentions became a focus. Embrace the world where you are at. Dance like no one is watching. Sing with abandonment, turn the volume up on your current favorite song, hit repeat when your favorite song from high school comes on. Find the joy in the small stuff.

So over the next week when someone asks me what my goals are for 2021. Simple. Embrace it.

Until next time,

Juli

Some days are hard, I wish they weren’t. I wish I could wave a wand and take away the pain my friend is feeling. I wish I could help the person that is posting on Facebook that her kids are going hungry again tonight, but sadly I don’t have a fix for those things or any of the other crap that seems to be happening.

It has been a tough month, friends losing their spouses, health concerns for family members and not to mention trying to manage Christmas in the year of isolation.

You know it’s been a rough month when certain people names appear on your phone with a call or text and your brain says I don’t think I can take any more bad news. Guess what the bad news doesn’t care if you are ready for it or not it’s coming.

I went to appointment the other day and I had worked at all the possibilities in my head. And the doctor slowly and patiently ruled out every single scenario I had come up with. He gently tells me we have to run more tests.

Didn’t you hear me? I just told you what I need this to be… I can’t have be something else! I have just walked through a fog of the last two weeks with friends losing spouses, family members having major health problems. My brain fog became a little bit more foggy.

Okay so what do I do? I need an escape plan! Escape plans are vital you have to have one in place. This escape plan included a day of movies, and some popcorn and of course doggie snuggles. Sometimes the escape plan is just a song on repeat. The nice thing about digital music is you don’t have to worry about the cassette tape breaking from over use.

I looked at the song that got me through a different time in my life and according to the tracking I had played it over a 1000 times. I’m fine with that because I think it was around 1001 I started to heal.

Escape plans come in all different shapes and sizes and may not look the same two times in a row. The song that healed you last time may not even speak to you this time and that’s okay maybe this time it’s an art project that brings you through to the other side.

The point is that life is hard, so times so much harder than we think we can handle. We can handle we just have to figure out what are escape plan is.

It has been a week that has figuratively knocked the wind out of me three different times. Twice last week, I realized that I skipped lunch. If you know my dogs at all you know that is amazing in itself that they let me forget that they had not received any human food in at least two hours but I think they knew my mind was occupied with other thoughts.

On Wednesday, during our virtual band rehearsal, I remembered the director asking for us to get our recordings in so that he could put together a compilation piece of all of us playing at the same time. I remembered it again Sunday night around 9:00 pm and had to text him and ask him when he needed it by because I could not remember what he had said.

We get caught up in our head, the world is happening, we have responsibilities, for me this past week it was being the best daughter and friend I knew how to be. Each had different needs, each had different events happening in their lives but it was weighing on my heart. How do I let this person know that they are loved even though their world has just flipped upside down and completely changed?

How do I help? Is it as simple as telling them that they are loved and supported and that no matter what happens I will be there for them. It might be, however when your world just flipped upside down you don’t really hear it.

I knew with my parents it was just a matter of being the best daughter that I could be at the moment that they asked for help. So it was two hours at the grocery store looking for everything on the grocery list in a store that I never shop in. If it meant it gave my dad some time to rest I was going to do it. The whole time that I was grocery shopping my friend whose life turned upside down the night before was not far from my mind.

It is hard when your brain doesn’t shut down. I came home from my parents and I “dropped” my treadmill down and ran 3 miles hoping to clear the worry from head. I was worried about my friend, I was worried about my dad, in general I worry, but I can compartmentalize that worry. Work is done, shut that worry down, on to the next one. It is how I am wired. I exercise, I write, craft, read, listen to music, play music. My point is I have a lot of ways to shut down my worry. Problem is 2020 seems to have created worry that I cannot shut down. Friends working in COVID, friends family members dying from COVID and other horrific diseases that we cannot prevent from happening.

So what do we do? We walk with them as best we can this year. It is not like in years past that I could just drop some food off, give them a hug and tell them in person that I love them. So we get creative. We Facebook, we Instagram, or whatever your social media of choice is. We have virtual happy hours and virtual parties. Zoom rehearsals and virtual worship.

We do what we can to help fill the void, to lift some of the heaviness that might be weighing on your heart, let the people around you know that you care. This past week, reminded me of something that we said daily when I worked in the Emergency Room tell the people in your circle that you love them because tomorrow is never promised.

So tonight, being COVID safe, tell your people that you love them! tell them that they matter. Reach out to your people whoever they maybe. IF you are reading this you are part of my people and I love you.

Until next time,

Juli

I went on adventure yesterday. This adventure actually started a couple of weeks back, when I was putting up my tree and could not find the angel for my tree. Fast forward to last weekend and I went through all my Christmas stuff and realize that my “big box” of Christmas was no longer here.

See 6 months after Kip passed away a group of family and friends came over and helped clean out the house. His family had taken what they wanted of his stuff and there was a lot of stuff that we never unboxed in the 10 years that we lived in the house.

That first Christmas I found all new things to put up minus the tree. Last year the tree went up and the new things I had made the year before. This year, I have a new tree and I really wanted my Angel for my tree because She would fit on the top again.

Last weekend, I went through all of my Christmas stuff, and no where was the angel, or the advent wreath, or the ornaments that I had collected over the years, even my small manger scene was gone. All of it is replaceable or so I thought. Replacing started with a trip to Menard’s last weekend for new ornaments for the tree.

Yesterday, my adventure started at Gerten’s. I found a new “collectable” ornament for the tree. But no Angel, no advent wreath, and no manger scene. Next I went to 4 other stores. NOTHING. Even the craft store that says it is Christian had nothing that I was looking for. I guess maybe if I started looking in July. But hind site is always 20/20.

The thing of it was if I wanted an angel for my tree that didn’t light up I could have found one, but I like the idea of the tree topper lighting up. My advent wreath was different, in the fact that I could flip it over and use it as a decorative piece the rest of the year. My space that I use for Christmas is small so I have a small manger scene that I could put out. None of the stores had these things.

What I did see yesterday was a lot of Cardinals, Santa’s in truck’s, snowman, creepy nutcracker’s and elves. Some Harry Potter, and Star Wars. But nothing that screamed Christmas to me. Not even a small gingerbread house to even out the TV stand.

Don’t get me wrong, I like all of these things. Well, not the nutcrackers and elves they really were creepy looking. Maybe it is the year of 2020, maybe it is the fact that I still believe that Christmas should be about Angels, manger scene’s, celebrating advent and preparing for Christmas.

I was talking about Christmas Movies with someone not too long ago, and I have to confess that I have never seen Elf or Christmas Vacation. They are not my type of movies. I love the original Miracle on 34th St., A Christmas Carol and White Christmas. My tradition has become to record these movies on my DVR along with some of the classic specials and I watch them on Christmas Eve.

Each year we make new memories, we celebrate our traditions, and reflect back. This time of year is a time to remember, a time to reflect, a time to celebrate.

So this year without angels, manger scene’s, or advent wreath I will continue to celebrate, because Christmas has it own special magic. Embrace the magic.

Until next time,

Juli

Negative thoughts, we all have them. You know the thoughts I am talking about. The one’s that start in the back of your mind and slowly take over thinking for the day or the week or maybe even the month. Those thoughts that you need to tell to pipe it down because they have gotten to loud.

I’m not good enough, I’m not fast enough, I’m not enough… those thoughts seem to have only one volume level and it is blasting. These thoughts are usually accompanied by it’s good friend and counter part. If only. If only I had remembered to turn that assignment in, if only I had trained harder, if only and if only likes to bring his friend, I should have, I should have done that better, I should have taken more time. Pretty soon there is a whole party of negative thoughts flying around in your head bringing you down. You thought you told them to Pipe down but they only seem to get louder why?

Did you look at the people around you? are they on a negative track? are they having a pity party for one? Negativity takes on so many forms and comes at us from so many different directions that sometimes it is hard to realize that our negative thoughts have over taken the positive ones in our mind.

I didn’t hit my goal time for this run – can be turned into I ran my best and that is all I can ask of myself. That is just one example that I have. It is my personal example. I was talking with a friend about a run that I had over the weekend and they said “oh what was your pace?” and I said it was slow but I am happy that I was able to run and the conversation continued until I confessed the time and they were like so you basically ran at a turtle pace and I thought Yep and I am still proud of it.

If I took on their negativity I would not have gotten back out there the next day and double my distance. Pace didn’t matter what mattered is that I did it, that I tried, that I told the negative voice to pipe down. Trust me it is not always that easy, some days it is a knock down, drag out fight with the negative thoughts and some days the negative thoughts win.

The key is not to stay there. I’m not saying that you need to be “Pollyana” or “Mary Poppins” but watch where your thoughts take you. Is that where you want to be? Need to be? How do you fix it? Give yourself credit for what you have done. Be gentle with yourself. There is always another time to try. If you have to write down the positives of the day. Just give the positive thoughts a chance to flow.

Until next time,

Juli