It’s been a tough week not going to lie about it.
I had surgery 3.5 weeks ago, I had a hysterectomy and a cyst removed that was wrapped around my bladder. To say that I was relieved 4 days later when I got the message that they got all cancer that was wrapped around my bladder was an understatement. This had been my partner in semi silence since Christmas. Some knew what was happening, most just knew that I was having surgery.
My white blood cell counts were going up and my hemoglobin was going down, it is not the combination that you want. I had the best surgeon for the job. My primary doctor and a couple of friends kept me in the right state of mind. The oncologist was looped in and up to date on me. It helps that he is someone that I have known since high school and used in the past when my iron has tanked on me.
People would ask if I wanted to talk about it and my answer was always the same, It is what is, I can only move forward once we know for sure what we are dealing with. I surrounded myself with people that love me; people that I never have to question if they love me. My dad was my biggest cheerleader, and even though he could not be there for the surgery I knew that he was thinking, and praying for me the whole time. My mom when reminded of what was happening would tell me she loved me. My best friend came and stayed for the first few days after surgery. I have other friends that have taken my panic calls, before and after surgery. and as funny as this will sound to some I have had my furry kids. I am blessed.
I went and saw my primary yesterday, the surgery moved a lot of things around in my body. It turns out in my not only being allergic to myself. I have this really odd ability to feel things that most people will never feel. We noticed it the most when I broke my ankle a couple of years ago, and I was talking to the doctor and asking her if I was supposed to feel the plate and pins in my ankle and she like show me and I could point to every pin and the full length of the plate. I am sure that there is a fabulous medical term for all of this. I bent over on Tuesday and felt the internal stitches pull free. That is a really odd feeling. By the time that I saw my primary yesterday I knew that we had angered my chronic pain with surgery combined with feeling the stitches give way I was in pain. But I also know that there really very little else that they can do for me. This is one of those suck it up deal with it Buttercup moments.
I have named my chronic pain, fictional pain. I think this probably offends most chronic pain people but I had too. Going through the process of being diagnosed with chronic pain is an ordeal, some, actually a lot doctors, say that is all in your head. No it is not, it is real, and it hurts.
Again it was a hard week, the pain was intense. But I was reminded that I am loved and cared for. Some days are physical pain is so intense that we forget the simple things in life.
I get reminded of those things through the people that I surround myself with, through my furry girls, and my family. In case I haven’t said it on here lately. You are loved, and valued, please do not ever forget that, and if you need someone to tell you that, hit me up, I will tell you everyday.
Until next time,
Juli
Juli's Blog 